A shrift to my nation

"Forgiveness could wash away the sins of the past and make a person a new man."

It was a snowy evening and random thoughts were running out of my mind. I miss my country land, the ray of sunshine, the morning dew, and even the faces of people sweetly smiling despite hunger. I’m still hoping to get things back the way they used to be. I know that people hated me or even cursed me for stealing their money but I’m still asking for their forgiveness though I know that I’m not worthy of that. I'm wishing for that peace everyday … every night. My fellowmen were blaming me for everything, hunger, lack of facilities and education, and the whole progress of our country. They thought I’d never done good things in my whole life. Some of them might already forget my story and I’m sure that no one pitied my death. Yes, my death! They believed that I died - - brutally died. The story happened six years ago when people were rallying at Camp Bagong Diwa, the place they thought where I am, but I wasn't really there and I never spent a single moment there. I told them not to imprison me and they should protect me in exchange for my silence. The rally started when the media told the people that I was found not guilty of all the accusations. People were throwing stones, they have placards saying that they would shot my head off and that I should live in hell. The celebrities were also part of the rally, led by the most famous gay celebrity at that time. To settle things, when the rallyists already left, a bomb explosion was done at the place. The news said that someone bombed the place to intentionally kill me, they even told the people that they found my remains brutally scattered in the place. Nobody died in the explosion and the story was all planned by our leader. They send me here to the United States and provided me a place to live and of course an amount in exchange for my silence. They were correct and their ideas were great. I am now free from those people who wanted to kill me. I can now do things I couldn't do before but I am not really free. My fellowmen were happy about my death and I felt very sad about that. The cowardice to tell them the truth remained to play inside me, I want to tell them that beyond all the corruptions was my love for my country. I never had the chance to tell them that the head of corruption was the person sitting in the white house. I couldn't because of the threat. No one wants to hear them called a “gambler” or “queen of scam” but I’m sure that no one would want to see their loved ones be killed in an exchange of silence. So I just invoked my rights. Now, I can still feel the judgments from them but I am powerless to settle things now. I’m here in a strange land where people have no idea of my background. No questions. No doubts. No threats. No judgments. But silence. The moment of regrets always come, I should not let my pleasures buried me in the evilness of money, I should not let their promises killed my dignity, I should not let others suffer from poverty and mostly, I should not let our leader used my name to polish his corrupt image. Life is very ironic, most people were striving to survive, they have nothing except for freedom while others, like me, have all the pleasure a person would wish to have but I am not free. The news from my land has no progress, I heard that the condition there was getting worst, even the leaders. The senators who were involved in the circle of the issue during my time were found not guilty and still holding their positions. Our leader was elected again as the president, he was now suffering from a lung disease, they found out that cancer was eating his body little by little but it seems like his hands were still healthy to do the magic of corruption. People are powerless to resist the system and no one has the courage to go against the officials because they know that it would not make any help. I'm hoping that God would shower wisdom to those officials to make them realize all their evil deeds and make their lives meaningful for everyone. I don’t know why I am writing this letter but I hope that one day, the air of regrets would bring forgiveness from my nation. I also wish that they would find a leader whose missions are not only to control our country and earn much but to make our land worth living for.

                                                                                                                                          sincerely,

                                                                                                                                          PB Queen