A shrift to my nation

"Forgiveness could wash away the sins of the past and make a person a new man."

It was a snowy evening and random thoughts were running out of my mind. I miss my country land, the ray of sunshine, the morning dew, and even the faces of people sweetly smiling despite hunger. I’m still hoping to get things back the way they used to be. I know that people hated me or even cursed me for stealing their money but I’m still asking for their forgiveness though I know that I’m not worthy of that. I'm wishing for that peace everyday … every night. My fellowmen were blaming me for everything, hunger, lack of facilities and education, and the whole progress of our country. They thought I’d never done good things in my whole life. Some of them might already forget my story and I’m sure that no one pitied my death. Yes, my death! They believed that I died - - brutally died. The story happened six years ago when people were rallying at Camp Bagong Diwa, the place they thought where I am, but I wasn't really there and I never spent a single moment there. I told them not to imprison me and they should protect me in exchange for my silence. The rally started when the media told the people that I was found not guilty of all the accusations. People were throwing stones, they have placards saying that they would shot my head off and that I should live in hell. The celebrities were also part of the rally, led by the most famous gay celebrity at that time. To settle things, when the rallyists already left, a bomb explosion was done at the place. The news said that someone bombed the place to intentionally kill me, they even told the people that they found my remains brutally scattered in the place. Nobody died in the explosion and the story was all planned by our leader. They send me here to the United States and provided me a place to live and of course an amount in exchange for my silence. They were correct and their ideas were great. I am now free from those people who wanted to kill me. I can now do things I couldn't do before but I am not really free. My fellowmen were happy about my death and I felt very sad about that. The cowardice to tell them the truth remained to play inside me, I want to tell them that beyond all the corruptions was my love for my country. I never had the chance to tell them that the head of corruption was the person sitting in the white house. I couldn't because of the threat. No one wants to hear them called a “gambler” or “queen of scam” but I’m sure that no one would want to see their loved ones be killed in an exchange of silence. So I just invoked my rights. Now, I can still feel the judgments from them but I am powerless to settle things now. I’m here in a strange land where people have no idea of my background. No questions. No doubts. No threats. No judgments. But silence. The moment of regrets always come, I should not let my pleasures buried me in the evilness of money, I should not let their promises killed my dignity, I should not let others suffer from poverty and mostly, I should not let our leader used my name to polish his corrupt image. Life is very ironic, most people were striving to survive, they have nothing except for freedom while others, like me, have all the pleasure a person would wish to have but I am not free. The news from my land has no progress, I heard that the condition there was getting worst, even the leaders. The senators who were involved in the circle of the issue during my time were found not guilty and still holding their positions. Our leader was elected again as the president, he was now suffering from a lung disease, they found out that cancer was eating his body little by little but it seems like his hands were still healthy to do the magic of corruption. People are powerless to resist the system and no one has the courage to go against the officials because they know that it would not make any help. I'm hoping that God would shower wisdom to those officials to make them realize all their evil deeds and make their lives meaningful for everyone. I don’t know why I am writing this letter but I hope that one day, the air of regrets would bring forgiveness from my nation. I also wish that they would find a leader whose missions are not only to control our country and earn much but to make our land worth living for.

                                                                                                                                          sincerely,

                                                                                                                                          PB Queen

A leader in hell

"Chances are only given to those who will swallow their mistakes and willing to follow the path of God"

Life is unfair. We don’t know when we’re going to die and where we’re going afterlife. I don’t know where I am, this place was opposite to the one I’m expecting. I know that I already died and I am moving with my spiritual body now, and spirits go to heaven … but I was not in heaven. If I’m not mistaken, heaven is a peaceful paradise as of garden of Eden but this one’s different. There were no plants but rocks, the waves of fire were continuously flowing and I am all alone here. I can’t even see angels but images of animals. I don’t want the idea running out of my mind but the feeling of fear was embracing my thoughts. I was in .. h-e-l-l. No! this couldn't be hell! I shouldn't be here! I know that I've done better in my entire life and I can count those to God one by one if he wants me to. I helped the poor people, I provided education to the youths, I even go to church with my sisters and I’m sure that those are enough for Him to reckon me in heaven. Suddenly, I heard a big step from my back, as I turn my head, I saw a colored man with red-silk something on his back, an eye like a fire, lips as black as charcoal and a very big fork on his hands. I was scared and I’m not really sure if he was Sa .. tan but I thought he was. “Welcome!” he said while offering his hands. I neglected to give mine and my body was shaking, my mouth can whisper no words and my foot seems glued on the place where I am standing. “Yes. You’re in hell!” he said again. This time, goosebumps were flowing on my whole body. “w..h..y?” I asked. He took a glance at me then stare at the fire that was swiftly dancing on the rocks and say “ you’re asking me why huh? Couldn't you remember? You stole the money of your people and you let them suffer the bitter side of life.” I shook my head “but I didn't steal all … I just … stole some … I mea-“ “you still stole their money” he interrupted. “then why am I alone here? This place must’ve many politicians. The previous administrations? My allies? The queen of pork?” I asked. “So you’re really responsible for all your sins. Be patient! We’ll wait for ‘em” he stared at me “ and those who died? They asked for forgiveness and so they were saved by God” he continued. “No! I’d helped the victims of a typhoon so He should also save me!” I yelled. He put his hands with a big fork up high and say “you never help them, you just return what they’d paid you, you’re land has many places not only one, people seek help from you because they trust you and they believe you’re a good leader. Typhoon victims were not only hundreds but thousands but you never …” "It was not my responsibility!” I shouted “No! it’s yours! People are responsible for their own lives, you as well. But you were chosen by Him to help His people. You were given the chance to perform His goodness but what you've done was mine and that’s the reason why you’re here” he said impatiently. “How? How ? I’ll ask for forgivene- -“ “you can’t change everything now my dear. It’s too late 'cause you’re already mine” he said with an evil laugh. My eyes were full of tears and my heart was lunging from fear. I don’t know what to do and how to escape from this place. I want to undo things and ask for His guidance but it’s too late. I was lost. I realized how faulty I spent my life, making my people suffer from hunger and poverty and leave them without any progress. I also realized that I wasted the chance I had to rule my country and make it worth living for everyone. I should’ve inspired people, families, and societies. I should’ve shown them the beauty of life. The regrets sank into my heart when I felt someone holding tightly my left hand. I tried to open my eyes, I saw a bright light, I turned my head to look who’s the person beside me, it was my sister crying “he’s awake!’ she shouted. That’s when I realized that I was in the hospital lying in a sickbed with some machines on my side. They told me that I was comatose for thirteen days and my countrymen were praying for me. The flash of memories played mellowly on my mind, it was my dream. A meaningful dream which leads me to the right path in life. I can’t still say a word but my eyes were full of tears. This is the chance that I asked for before and I will not waste this, not only because I don’t want to live in hell but because I want to fulfill my responsibilities and I should leave a legacy before my death, for I know that it was imminent. I’ll make my land worth living for and my countrymen worth dying for.